Black History Month: Taylor Dayne

Blacks and Jewish people have a lot in common. Slavery. Oppression. Whoopi Goldberg. During the Civil Rights Movement, Blacks and Jews marched and worked side-by-side to end discriminatory Jim Crow Laws in the south.  But, while Black people are appreciative for the gift of friendship, the greatest gift the chosen people have ever given us, besides Adam Sandler movies (womp, womp), was a nice Jewish girl named Leslie Wunderman, who is better know as the blonde bombshell, Taylor Dayne!

I'm trying to get my 1987 Taylor drag just right! Red lipstick? Check! Ripped jeans? Mega-check! Crimped hair? Do you smell something burning? Awww, snap! I just fried my hair with my crimping iron from 11th grade that I dug out of a box labeled, "High School Nightmares.". I miss Alabama, because in Alabama, them Arabs and them Koreans are experts on Black hair care products. Don't believe me? Just ask your own personal Black Friend who she buys her weave from. Trust me, she is not going to say from "ShaQuanna's Weave Emporium" or "Skippy McAlester's Weave Galleria." You see, people are coming from China, Korea, Pakistan, and those other far-a flung countries in search of the American Dream. They are financing their American Dream one weave at a time! I'm singing Neil Diamond's
"(They're Coming to)America" right now. Neil's Jewish, too, and if you don't like that song; you're not a patriot...and you should self-deport to like Micronesia. Is that racist? No, silly, it's Black History Month! It is not Micronesian History Month...that's in August.

Sorry for the rant, but the side of my head looks like a blown out tire, and oddly enough, it smells like the infield at a NASCAR race. Yes, I know what that smells like from personal experience. I'm a race-mixer like that. Shout out to my boo, the #88, Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

Taylor Dayne burst onto the music scene in 1987 with the funky! infectious! "Tell It to My Heart". I love that song, but I have to say her love songs were beautiful. "I'll Always Love You" and "Love Will Lead You Back" solidified Taylor Dayne's place as a Pioneer of Black History. "Love Will Lead You Back" was one of my Mama's FAVORITE songs. Every time that song played, Miss Ella would drop everything and wave her hands up in the air. She waved 'em like she just didn't care. Then she would say, "That girl know she can SANG!" Notice I didn't say that white girl. We had cable then, so we knew Taylor was white, but she got the "Miss Ella Seal of Approval", and that's enough for me.

Today, I salute Taylor Dayne, Pioneer of Black History, for a voice as rich as Joe, the janitor/shareholder at Facebook World Headquarters. I also salute Taylor Dayne for giving me wonderful memories of my Mom. My Mom loved music, and she instilled a love of music in all of her children. Growing up in Montgomery, Alabama, where there are so many spoken and unspoken rules, Mama taught us that there was no such thing as Black music or white music. She just taught me to listen without prejudice...(thanks, George Michael for totally ripping me off)!!!!! Miss Ella taught us that good music was good music, and Taylor Dayne, you made us all believe that the one that got away would come back. Mazel Tov, My Sista!

My parents divorced when I was ten.  My parents had seen each other three times in the 35 years they were a non-couple. On the day my Mom died, one of the last people she saw was my Dad, who came from D.C. to say goodbye. She never remarried after they got divorced. Their marriage was filled with a lot of pain, mostly because of what Viet Nam did to Daddy. But, Mama never got over him. I'll never know what was said in that sterile room on September 10, but I do know that Mama held on long enough to see him.  Hours after he got there, she let go, and let the cancer take her. In an act of kindness and grace, never displayed by my father (at least to me or in my presence) my Dad paid for my Mom's funeral.

 Mama and I loved watching soap operas together.  I suspect that if her death had been scripted, Dad would take Mama's hand before she died, "Love Will Lead You Back" would be playing in the background. He'd say, " Please forgive me for ruining your life." She'd say, " I forgave you a long time ago." Then her hand would fall slowly by her side, her eyes would close with a look of peace on her face.  The screen would fade to black, and Taylor's amazing voice would swell, ushering my Mom into heaven.

For more info about Taylor go to her website:  http://www.taylordayne.com/

Little Lessons on the Prairie: Birthday Letter to My Children

Dear Ashlee, Daniel, and Adam:

I love each of you. You each bring me immeasurable joy. You each have traits that shock and amaze me. Ashlee, your ability to “cut through the crap” will serve you well as you grow into womanhood. Daniel, you are kind, loving, and sensitive. These traits will make you an incredible father. Adam, your fearlessness scares me and makes me jealous that I’m not as fearless as you. As your birthdays roll around this year, I wanted to let you all know I am glad that I am your Mom.

I got to spend my birthday with MeMaw. I knew on that day it would be the last time I would ever see her on my birthday. I was filled with pain and sorrow and joy. Grandma Ella was special to each of you, as she was to me. If you put her life in perspective, she was an extraordinary woman. She was the three worst things a person could be in Alabama when she was born in 1941: poor, black, and female.

She taught me some very valuable lessons about life and love. I want to share some of them with you:

Never say no to love. Love comes in so many different forms. Grandma never flaunted her romantic relationships for the world to see, but she never hid the fact that she loved her children and her grandchildren with great abandon. She never rejected people for being gay or white or rich or poor or crazy. She always had a plate to feed hungry people. She always found a dollar to give, even when she didn’t have enough for herself. She loved everybody. She treated every single person like they were a child of God. Approach every aspect of your life with love. Sometimes people may hurt you, but often times they won’t. I’m not saying put yourself in a situation where you can physically or emotionally be hurt. There are times, too, when you must love someone enough to walk away.

Never think you are alone. I am here for you. If I can give it to you, I will. If I can’t, I will do everything in my power to help. Mama opened her doors to me, and let me come home when things got really awful for me. She never made me feel bad. She never made me feel like I had to beg or be ashamed. As your Mama, please know, you can always come home to me. You are not alone.

Never underestimate the power of prayer. Mama walked a groove in the floor in our apartment on Edgemont. She would walk and pray. We came to Montgomery with literally the clothes on our back. She prayed that God would bless her with nice dresses to wear to church. She had one dress when we came to Montgomery. She wore it every Sunday for 4 months. When she died, she had three closets filled with beautiful dresses, hats, shoes, and purses. She always believed in looking good to go see Jesus. She prayed to see each of her children graduate; we did. She prayed that we always had a roof over our heads and food in our bellies; we did. She prayed that we would have happy marriages and happy children… sometimes things don’t work out, but Miss Ella wanted the best for us all.

Never pass on a chance to laugh. Mama loved to laugh. She loved to make people laugh. She never let anything stop her from finding the humor in everything. Her favorite comedy bit of all time was that crazy parody video “We Miss Robert” by Ricky Smiley. She told me to see if I could find a spinning rim to put in her casket like they did in that video. She was dying, but able to find something funny. We must have laughed at 100 things over those 4 days. We laughed about 3 year old Ashlee going to my college graduation in a fancy dress and no underwear. We laughed about Daniel singing and dancing to his favorite song “Satisfaction” by the Rolling Stones. We laughed about both the boys trying to put a stop to me and their Daddy getting married. We laughed that Adam told her on the phone, “Look, MeMaw, I’m busy. I can’t talk to you.” She thought that was hysterical. When I look back on the time I spent with her right before she died, I will always remember the laughter. Her favorite old school saying was, “Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying.” She was right. So laugh, kids.

Your Grandmother was an amazing woman. She raised 4 kids of her own and 6 that were not hers. She loved music. She baked the best sweet potato pie and pound cake you ever put in your mouth. She’d whip your butt if you needed it. She’d hug you and wipe away your tears, if you needed it. She made us all feel like we were special. She was proud of each of us for different reasons.

When I close my eyes, I can see each of your little faces looking up at me the first time I held you. Each time, I thought my heart would burst from the love. Your Grandma Ella was there for each of your births. Ashlee, the way you took care of Mama during her cancer and while she was dying was a very heroic act. You were there the day she died. One day, I will die. I hope on that day, you will each be able to say what I say about my Mama: “She did the best she could with what she had, and I know more than anything; that lady loved me.”

Happy Birthday, Babies!