My heart aches.
Then, I feel a slight, cool brush of air that combs over the fine hair on my arm.
I remember He's right there. Beside me. In the pain.
I remember because He tickles me daily.
He gave me laughter. He gave me sorrow.
Like a sandwich cookie.
He's on one side.
I'm on the other.
But in the middle is where life resides.
The shocking sweetness of the good stuff.
The grainy, lumpy, crystals pretending to be creamy good stuff when it's bad...sometimes it's very bad.
The tear makes a great escape, and then comes the tumble.
I have brush with death.
He coaxes me back to life.
The air on my arm gently spells, "Be here. Be now."
Comfort in calligraphy that brushes a heartache into a heart fully awake.
~Tangela Parker Ekhoff (9/21/11)
I wrote this after my Mom died. I have a book full of poetry. My favorite pastime is making fun of poets and writing poetry...and eating cookies.
Funny that even when I'm sad...I'm thinking about cookies. I'm actually very happy today and I'm thinking about cookies. Life has taken a turn for the good...and I'm thinking about cookies. There is not one damn cookie here in the house that I actually want to eat. But, I'm thinking about cookies. I'm going for a walk. I'll stop at the bakery on 1st street...and buy a donut. They don't have cookies.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
The Mighty Ekhoffs
When the McBrothas were itty bitty things, I wrote them a song. Actually, I just ripped it off from a Frosted Flakes commercial. Some call that sampling. I know it's cheesy, but I think every family should have one cheesy, face palming tradition. For me, it's a song.
I used to sing the song more times a day than I care to admit. Most of time when I sang it, it would lull the McBrothas to sleep, or at least cut a tantrum short. Hey, gotta do what you gotta do, right?
I haven't sung the family song in a few weeks, but yesterday, when it was "supposed, alleged" nap time around the house, the boys were singing the family song! It made feel all warm and fuzzy.
Everywhere we go
people want to know
who we are
'cause we are stars
we are The Ekhoffs
the mighty, mighty Ekhoffs.
I wrote this song when we were in the initial throes of poverty. I wrote it because in many ways I felt so small, insignificant, and hopeless. I guess singing that we were "mighty" gave me some kind of comfort. We are slowly climbing our way out, but every single day I am thankful for the struggle, and thankful for the strength it has brought our family.
No matter how hard things get, no matter what we go through as a family; I want the boys to remember we are a family. We are bonded not just by blood, but by love. I hope when they are old men they'll look back and think of the family song with fondness. I hope they teach it to their grandchildren...I hope my intergalactic great-grandchildren think it's the cheesiest thing they have ever heard!
I used to sing the song more times a day than I care to admit. Most of time when I sang it, it would lull the McBrothas to sleep, or at least cut a tantrum short. Hey, gotta do what you gotta do, right?
I haven't sung the family song in a few weeks, but yesterday, when it was "supposed, alleged" nap time around the house, the boys were singing the family song! It made feel all warm and fuzzy.
Everywhere we go
people want to know
who we are
'cause we are stars
we are The Ekhoffs
the mighty, mighty Ekhoffs.
I wrote this song when we were in the initial throes of poverty. I wrote it because in many ways I felt so small, insignificant, and hopeless. I guess singing that we were "mighty" gave me some kind of comfort. We are slowly climbing our way out, but every single day I am thankful for the struggle, and thankful for the strength it has brought our family.
No matter how hard things get, no matter what we go through as a family; I want the boys to remember we are a family. We are bonded not just by blood, but by love. I hope when they are old men they'll look back and think of the family song with fondness. I hope they teach it to their grandchildren...I hope my intergalactic great-grandchildren think it's the cheesiest thing they have ever heard!
The McBrothas in a stroller...with a bored tiger behind them.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Flip-Flops
A chubby old lady just fell in the Wal-Mart parking lot. She was wearing white socks and pink flip flops. The contents of her purse spilled all around her. She sat up, and started putting stuff back in her purse. Then a cute young man came over to help her. He handed her a matchbox car and a handful of change.
In his hand he was holding a tattered semi-opened tampon. She started laughing. He started laughing. He said, "I'm sorry." She said, " Are you gonna give me that tampon or do you need it?" The old chubby lady was me...Note to self: Don't wear flip flops and socks...oh, and stop going to Wal-Mart ... double oh, take tampons from 1996 out of purse. #FACEPALM
P.S. I also shoved this random Mussolini Medallion in my purse before the young man saw it. The last thing you want to be is a communist in Oklahoma...that's almost as bad as being a democrat.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
What If...
The "what ifs" of life always have a way of grinding us down to a finely crushed version of who we really are. What if you actually stopped asking "what if" and just do:
what comes naturally to you
what gives you peace
what makes you happy
what you always thought you could do
what "they" said you couldn't/shouldn't (p.s. tell "they" to go to hell)
what makes you smile
what makes you cringe
what makes you strong
what makes you weak
what makes you proud
what makes you feel love
what makes you feel like Wonder Woman, Rosa Parks, and Cher all at the same TIME!!!
WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT!!!
Last time I checked, you're gonna go into a casket/ urn/ Viking burial boat all by your damnself. Stop letting other people tell you WHAT you need to do with YOUR life. Stop waiting for someone else to give you permission to live your own life.That little voice that whispers to your soul is actually shouting: WTF do I gotta do to get you to pay attention?
What if you listen?
Monday, March 12, 2012
Burning Question
Over on Danielle LaPorte's fantastic blog she asks a burning question of her followers. Her site is filled with inspiration and power and business mojo! I got mad web love for Lady D! Today's burning question is WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO STOP DOING?
Oh, Danielle, I really wish you'd stop reading my journal...
I would like to stop beating myself up about the past. I have made so many mistakes, missed so many opportunities, and allowed so many people who don't matter one damn to turn the powerful woman in me into a crying little ball of afro-puffed snot.
I wish I could go back and tell that little girl, "You are gonna be fine." I wish I could tell 30- year-old me to,
" GO for friggin broke...and NEVER LOOK BACK!" I wish I could tell my forty-year-old self that in three years my Mama, my rock, would be gone, and I should spend as much time getting up in her business and hugging her as possible, instead of fretting about something insignificant!
I would like to stop beating myself up about the past. It is dusty old box and it's too heavy to carry into my future. I need to unload it. Yeah, I effed up royally, but God's grace is here for me right now.
The NOW is pretty darn cool! I have three amazing kids! A husband who loves me. I am finally within reach of my dreams! After taking the zig-zag path to following my call, I'm using my speaking superpowers to put a nail in the coffin of financial and emotional poverty that's robbed me of living a Big Ass Life! Did I mention I am using my experiences in poverty to speak at two Food Bank conferences in April!?!? Every experience is an opportunity!
Starting today, I am putting the nail in the coffin of my past. It's done. I'm so over it, and I am so ready to be who God has called me to be. I am imperfect. I am a work in progress. I am...here.now. I AIN'T LOOKIN BACK!
So today, ask yourself WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO STOP DOING
Elevate a prayer... and let it GO! If it requires physical work, know that half the heavy lifting is done in the mind...
Amen
Thanks, Danielle your words are always on point, girl!!!!
Oh, Danielle, I really wish you'd stop reading my journal...
I would like to stop beating myself up about the past. I have made so many mistakes, missed so many opportunities, and allowed so many people who don't matter one damn to turn the powerful woman in me into a crying little ball of afro-puffed snot.
I wish I could go back and tell that little girl, "You are gonna be fine." I wish I could tell 30- year-old me to,
" GO for friggin broke...and NEVER LOOK BACK!" I wish I could tell my forty-year-old self that in three years my Mama, my rock, would be gone, and I should spend as much time getting up in her business and hugging her as possible, instead of fretting about something insignificant!
I would like to stop beating myself up about the past. It is dusty old box and it's too heavy to carry into my future. I need to unload it. Yeah, I effed up royally, but God's grace is here for me right now.
The NOW is pretty darn cool! I have three amazing kids! A husband who loves me. I am finally within reach of my dreams! After taking the zig-zag path to following my call, I'm using my speaking superpowers to put a nail in the coffin of financial and emotional poverty that's robbed me of living a Big Ass Life! Did I mention I am using my experiences in poverty to speak at two Food Bank conferences in April!?!? Every experience is an opportunity!
Starting today, I am putting the nail in the coffin of my past. It's done. I'm so over it, and I am so ready to be who God has called me to be. I am imperfect. I am a work in progress. I am...here.now. I AIN'T LOOKIN BACK!
So today, ask yourself WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO STOP DOING
Elevate a prayer... and let it GO! If it requires physical work, know that half the heavy lifting is done in the mind...
Amen
Thanks, Danielle your words are always on point, girl!!!!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Death...Again
Last year I lost several good friends and my Mom. I thought I would get a break, but on February 12, 2012 my dad, Pastor John Parker, died. I am sad that his death came just five months after my Mom's. I had a chance to reconnect with him in the last month, and it felt good.
I'm in a totally new place. I'm an orphan. I'm not sure what is next for me, but I am sure that I will spend every day trying to be a better mother and wife.
I'm in a totally new place. I'm an orphan. I'm not sure what is next for me, but I am sure that I will spend every day trying to be a better mother and wife.
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