Sunday, February 5, 2012

Black History Month: Sheena Easton

My baby takes the morning train...

Oh, I didn't see you standing there. Can you help me cut myself out of these lycra bike shorts? I look like a busted can of orange sweet rolls and I smell like a ham...

I love me some Prince. Back in the day, Prince was trouble. Does anyone remember what happened when he came to Montgomery, Alabama? He was so freaky. He was "nasty as he wanna be" before there was a 2Live Crew.  In 1984, The Purple One got his assless chaps hands on a sweet Scottish lass named Sheena Easton, and got her BANNED from the radio and MTV.  Before Prince transformed her, Sheena had been an innocent torch singer, belting out fluffy love songs that the whole world loved. She was number one on my invite list for my "Imaginary Grease Celebrity Sleepover."

Yes, I was a nerd.

Enter Prince and his Claire Huxtable hair, high-heeled boots, and purple foundation garments.  He turned sweet little Sheena into a slutty little Scottish Sexypot. The song was "Sugar Walls." I loved that Mama slapped the taste out of mouth one day when she heard me singing it. I still sang it...when I was 500 yards away from my Mama's pimp hand. After Prince, Sheena was on my "Imaginary Eternal Hellfire and Damnation Power Prom Committee"...the cool sinners would be there, flames, worms, and all.

Please join me in reading this in a SEAN CONNERY VOICE:
Prince wrote "Sugar Walls" under his pen name, "Alexander Nevermind."  Tipper Gore then named this song as one of the "Filthy Fifteen" for a good dang reason; it's all about the lady parts, the she-biscuit, the fem-nuggets,  girl giblets, the smack madame...

 I thought it was a black woman singing and for that alone, Sheena Easton, you are a Black History Pioneer! There would be no Christina, no GaGa, no BritBrit...if you hadn't let Prince work his dirty magic on you! Sheena 2.0 sounded just like a black woman!

Behold the song that got me popped upside the head, "Sugar Walls!"

*** As a bonus, I included a clean song by Sheena "Damn, I thought that was a BLACK girl!" Easton, "The Lover in Me"  it sounds like it's nasty, but it's clean...Check her out doing the "whap" and the "cabbage patch-lite." Go head on, Sheena 2.0!

Oddly enough, there is a Ron Paul Ad!!!!! on the intro to SUGAR WALLS!!!

"I'ma let you get your freak on, Sheena. I'ma let you finish, but first...." ~Ron Paul

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